can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
