WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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