you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
