It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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