yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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