Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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