This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
