HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
