whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
soo... how was my night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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