why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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