Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
