A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
