Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
