Can i not drive my cunt home
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
