The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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