So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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