is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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