drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
