It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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