She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
