If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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