i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
