How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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