shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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