that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
