I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
