My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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