cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
