so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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