you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
