Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
