Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
