Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
