You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize