I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
pray to the hookup gods
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
