Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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