Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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