bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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