great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
