Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
