Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
