If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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