im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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