i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
