Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
