i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
