He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
