I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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