I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
