She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
