I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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