I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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