you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
