I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
