were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
