respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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