so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
