If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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