he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
