apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
