Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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