i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
