You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
