i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
