VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
