I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
