i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
