We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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