i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
