ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
